Oh Yeah~

*Warning: Long post ahead*

I think this is the longest hiatus in my entire blog.

I'm not doing anything productive and at the same time living very unhealthily. Sleeping at 4 or 5am in the morning for 2 weeks now. I think I got this insomnia problem from my dad because he also have sleep disturbance =.=

That aside. It's not the main point anyway.

I've been wanting to blog the past few days, so many things happened within the past 2 weeks. Not only around me but also around the world. The Morakot typhoon in Taiwan, Horng's really short returning trip, gathering with high school mates, dinner with Celeste, Hui Chin and Horng after 54321 years....

As you might alread know, the Morakot typhoon hit Taiwan on the 8th Aug and there were more than 500 lives killed to date. It was such a tragic disaster, I cried reading the news about the landslides that buried the whole Siaolin Village after the heavy downpour. 400 over victims were buried alive. It is very saddening watching them crying and shouting for their late family members who were yet to be found. Reading news like this, apart from feeling thankful that it doesn't happen on us, we hope and pray that the victims can get through this ASAP.

Horng came back from Perth to attend his sister's registration so we met up for some gathering/catch up/gossip/cam whore session. Karena and the girls had throw him a welcome home colorful party. No kidding man, EVERYTHING is colored! I saw sandwiches with blue and pink tuna spread =__= and many many balloons! We had fun snapping pictures away..and because Horng misses mamak too much so we proceed to mamak before heading home.


The next day, met up with S, V, Horng, Henry, Celeste and Hui Chin at Jaya One for dinner. Celeste and Hui Chin came to KL for a short trip to visit friends so we decided to meet up. We had dinner at Frontera, a Mexican restaurant. We had really awesome nachos, very spicy(at least to me) buffalo wings, and great company =) after dinner we went to this bar outside the restaurant for drinks. According to Henry, this bar has all kinds of beer or something like that. and we sat there for about 1 hour plus and decided to do things like this:

and this

and this

and this

must be the alcohol........must be!

*************

I saw this line on a friend's msn the other day: The only thing that is constant is change

How true is that? I've got so much free time the past 3 weeks and I realized that I've been reminiscing alot about the past. There were so many moments I miss but we can never turn back the time and live it again....

Those baby days...when all you have to do is eat, sleep, cry and play...you don't even have to walk on your own feet.....but we can't go back to those days...

Secondary schools...when we were still in there, we never thought we would miss it so much.

National Service! I certainly miss them...although those were the hardest 3 months ever living in a jungle and sleeping in a camp but these people make it one of the best memories in my life.
Ohh..I look so man!

We can hardly get together like this anymore....very very very hard.....

I miss them!!!! and I can't go back anymore..............
T____T

I was having lunch alone in one u the other day. Walking from old wing to new wing, suddenly I miss my BFFL. Every corner of One u reminds me of her....I miss u heaps babe!

*****************

Remember I said I have a new found idol last year? Recently I'm watching her new series KO3anguo. I think she is doing a pretty good job considering the fact that this is actually her first time acting.

I'm actually more attracted to her songs than the series. Her voice is just so amazing and I can repeatedly listening to that few songs the whole night. I can't wait for her to come up with her own album...The best part is......she is also a fan of YanZi =D

Here's the 2 songs I'm listening every night...

*MUST LISTEN*

泪了 - 曾沛慈

够爱 - 曾沛慈

The truth is...

Hello world,

I'm still very much alive just in case some of you thought that I was dead or was abducted. I'm sorry for not returning any calls and messages because I was not in the mood to talk or to meet anyone. So I've canceled most of the outing and gathering plans by telling them that I'm busy but the truth is I'm just staying home doing nothing. Please don't feel offended, I just thought that I really need those moments alone and stay in my comfort zone for a little while.

I'd been doing a lot of thinking, or so I call it. Someone once said, everyone did lost their way in life at some point of time. But I think I'm constantly on the search. I don't know where is my life heading to and what am I going to do next. I always don't. As age catches up, this is actually very frustrating. Friends offer their ears, especially when you are studying psychology, you have sensitive friends who notice the changes in you. The thing is, I never like to talk about it. because I know when I start talking I will break down. I may look perfectly ok on the outside but in this whole wide world, I'm the only one who knows that 'hey, you're not okay!' I think that's a defense mechanism, it sealed everything that I do not wish to touch in a bag and cover it up with a cheerful face.

It's funny how I got so thirsty everytime I came home from a gathering or a drinks with friends. Because I talked ALOT when I'm out. By cracking jokes with them, it makes everyone believe that I'm actually okay, including myself. but when I'm back home, back to my room when everyone else were taken away from the picture, I'm actually back to square one. The feeling is like a superstar standing on the stage enjoying the cheers and applauses from the audience but when he step down from the stage he is back to one person, alone. The contrast feeling in between is so huge that it can kill. It's okay if this doesn't sound sane to you but it makes perfect sense to me.

I believe that everything happened for a reason and I still do. So I can always comfort myself that 'It's ok, there must be something better waiting for me in front', if anything goes wrong. As long as I live up to my own expectation, I don't see any needs to seek for others' approval. Unfortunately, we are not living in here on our own. Approval from different parties give us the sense of security, self-esteem and sense of belonging. Their approval make us believe that we are normal and being accepted. Hence, failure and mistakes are not scary, what fear us most is the disapproval and disappointment that come along with it.

Sometimes I look myself in the mirror, I feel like I don't know myself anymore. I am not who I used to be. There are too many things and feelings kept inside and at some point of time it feels like exploding. At times I wish I could cry like a baby, you know like really crying out loud and so I would feel better but I can't! I just can't!!!!!!! There's a voice inside my head telling me to run, run away from all the things and people I know to a place where I can be who I am and who I wana be. but I know it's not gonna happen.

I am writing this because I hope that at least I can be true to my own feeling and be true to myself. The last thing I wana get is the extra attention from friends. so just read this and keep it to yourself, don't ask me anything. =)







The truth will soon be revealed....